When you're ready, together

Yab-Yum Stillness

Put your phones in airplane mode. Move at the pace of the slower partner. You can stop at any time.

Phase 1 of 6

Setting the field

Warm the room. A cushion thick enough for one partner to sit on, with the other in their lap. Soft lighting. Water within arm's reach.

Phase 2 of 6

Sitting separately

Sit facing each other, not yet touching. Match your breath quietly: belly rises on inhale, softens on exhale. Each of you speaks one sentence aloud: what you are leaving behind to be here.

Phase 3 of 6

Coming into the posture

One partner sits cross-legged. The other settles into their lap, legs wrapped around the waist. Foreheads rest together. Each places one palm on the other's heart. Eyes soft, half open or closed. Find the weight exchange: supported and supporting at once.

Phase 4 of 6

Held breath

Breathe together for the full fifteen minutes. Choose one pattern and hold it: inhale together and exhale together, or one inhales while the other exhales. On the inhale, feel the chest widen against the partner. On the exhale, let the belly soften and the bodies settle closer. Notice warmth between the hearts and any subtle rocking.

Phase 5 of 6

Spreading the warmth

Still in the posture, slow strokes appear: down the spine, along the nape of the neck, across the shoulder blades. One stroke per exhale. Slow, broad, no escalation. Each touch a continuation of the breath, not a move toward sex.

Phase 6 of 6

Coming apart slowly

Separate the bodies as slowly as you came together. Sit facing each other again. One sentence each: what you noticed in the held stillness.

Coming back

After the ritual

  • Stay close for at least thirty minutes after.
  • If desire has arisen, you can let it be a slower evening rather than rushing to act.
  • Drink water and eat something warm.
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